Why My House Is Messy

Cleaning your house while your kids are still growing is like shoveling the walk before it stops snowing.  ~ Phyllis Diller, Phyllis Diller's Housekeeping Hints, 1966

While every mother knows that raising children, especially young ones, results in a messy & chaotic house with piles of laundry, dirty dishes & toys everywhere, no one wants to admit it.  No one wants to admit that their homes are not always immaculate.  We want to be super moms & be able to do it all. Props to you if you can, because if there is one thing I've learned, I cannot! I have given up on trying to be the perfect mom. I am going to stop being a tryer & work on trusting.

For the past three years, I have been trying to balance housekeeping & parenting.  I put so much stress & importance on having a clean house, that I was not spending quality time with Jordan.  Over & over again, I heard, it's not your house that matters, but the time you invest in your children.  As any mother can tell you, that struggle is hard.  After having Lucas, I started realizing even more just how much I was focused on a clean house.  My parents have Jordan one day a week & before Lucas, those were my hard core cleaning/laundry days.  I could focus on the house, and not worry about neglecting my sweet boy.  After Lucas, my parents still take Jordan one day a week, but I quickly found out I could not use those days as cleaning days because there was this adorable baby who just wanted his mommy & did not have to share attention with his older brother.  So those days became "loving on Lucas" days.  Cuddles, naps, tummy time (diaper changes, spit up), etc :)

It is no secret that in the past year, it was not the easiest of times being a parent to my very active loveable adventurous boy.  The terrible twos were in full swing.  After months of frustration, different discipline tactics, and numerous other ordeals, I am beyond thankful that my relationship with Jordan is thriving.  Once we got past the newborn days & Lucas was older, I found myself feeling the Lord saying "give up that control on the house.  Your sons need you to be their mother.  They do not care if the house is clean.  They care that you are there to be with them.  They care that you are loving on them, giving them hugs and kisses, telling them you love them, and spending time making silly faces, playing trains, playing peek a boo, laying outside on the grass reading a story".  I slowly began to trust instead of try.  To let go of my control about constantly trying to clean a house that is temporary & will very rarely actually be clean on a daily basis.

By nature, I am a messy person.  I drop my diaper bag & purse on the table, I put the mail on the kitchen counter, I have loads of laundry sitting on the couch waiting for me to fold them while I catch up on tv shows after the boys are in bed, clothes are thrown on the bed as I change my outfit for the sixth time.  Putting things away as soon as I am done with them is a work in progress as it is not natural for me to do so.  Do I desire to have a clean house? Am I more at peace when my house is clutter free? Absolutely.  Is it worth stressing over & berating myself when there's clutter & dishes in the sink? No.  I find myself happy in the midst of my chaos, because I am loving on my boys & making memories.  In time, I will find the balance, but I refuse to let my need for control overwhelm the need of my boys & their time with me.

I posted an article on the Facebook page for my Growing Up Mom's group (Your Children Want YOU!) & in response, one mom said this.  "The measure of our motherhood is not found in any of these, but in Christ our King who has charged us to teach our little ones to love Him. So hug them and kiss them and tell them how much they are loved; by you and by our awesome God!" - Karen O.  This is the core of motherhood.  Not a clean house, not flower shaped soap, or the crafts we make.

So, in the meantime, welcome to my home.  Welcome to a house where you will hear laughter, maybe step on a fire engine, see a pile of laundry that needs to be folded.  Welcome to a house that has a few pictures on the wall, but tons of smudges from dirty hands that have been outside playing in the dirt.  Welcome to a house where you will find me in sweats, with no make up on & hair in a ponytail, outside playing catch or reading on the couch with my boys.  Welcome to a house where you will hear Jordan singing at the top of his lungs.  Welcome to a house where you will not find a wreath I made or anything remotely crafty.  Welcome to a house that has Jordan's rinsed out underwear all over the bathroom sink because we are working on potty training.  Welcome to a house that has dirty dishes because I have been in the kitchen with Jordan as my little helper, cooking or baking. Welcome to a house that has wipes in every room, a play mat, a bouncer, a boppy, and a bumboo that are scattered here and there with no strategic placing.  Welcome to a house where there are books all over the place, because we sit down wherever we are & read.  Welcome to a house where a mom is working on trusting & not trying.  Welcome ... welcome to a house full of love & laughter.